Spinning With or Spinning Without

It is Monday night, 9:46, last Monday ever of this month in this particular year.

I have a valid driver's license. I have a title to a car, in someone else's name.

I have a laptop computer. I have a camera and printer to go with it. Although I am getting used to the laptop, I have made little or no progress with the other two items as of yet. I haven't yet dealt with warranty and registration issues either.

Gee, that is about like the car. I have to get the title into my name so I can get insurance so I can move the vehicle, install hand controls and get used to driving it. Then once I do that I can spend six months using it and decide if it is worth the expense- if it is worth it- if it enhances my lifestyle in a positive mannner. Hey, is that redundant? Is it possible to enhance something in a negative way? Yes, it appears in Merriam-Webster Online that enhancement is specifically a positive change. So that means that in the phrase "if it enhances my lifestyle in a positive manner" the "in a positive manner" does not enhance the phrase. But then what if it were the case that I was trying to express compulsion, a sort of over-thinking things kind of process. I'm thinking maybe that's my thing. But what is the value in it except to maybe drive myself and others completely bonkers? -or maybe simply have me wind up typing alone to myself and wonder why nobody cares for my clever commentary?

Gosh and golly. Eventually I will have some idea if laptops and digital cameras and 1989 minvans are worth owning... are worth my owning them.

So what of New Hampshire and the Autoroad and the next trip to Red Lake Falls for further residency at the antFarm? What of getting my body in top condition and likewise putting proper challenge to my mind, my intellect, my intuitive powers and judgement skills? What of having a trailer behind my wheelchair and spending a week in Rocky Mountain national Park? What of the thick pile of rag paper that only has one sheet so far being worked on?

Is doing one's best simply a truism or is there realy any truth to the concept?
Is it possible to do other than your best?
Is what we choose and what we do anything but the most correct path at that particular moment?
How can I not do my best?
How ever will it be that I actually truthfully do do my best?

Determinism <> Free Will

black or white <> spectrum
countable <> uncountable
macroscopic <> microscopic

deductive <> inductive

I think that summer solstice occurs at 4:26 in the afternoon, EST of course, today- Wednesday. I hope to try and push far.
Right, well... actually it was 8:26 in the a.m.- minor math error.

Okay, days later, pasta and green beans waiting. Wednesday, solstice day, what was the big push, what was the commemoration, what was the movement, the activity????

(save as draft)

Okay- so this all appears lost and hidden enough.

Wednesday was the day that the laptop arived. It actually was delivered not long after 8:26, so we'll call this the solstice event.

I was working with my father one summer evening when he mentioned that today was the longest day. I was 18. I often used to like to hold barbeque type events at solstice and equinox time. A few years back I was constructing a work shed. I included plans for lines marking sun location. Celtic architecture was an influence.

I've got the portable computer, the camera and the printer. The last two are not so portable. The first seems vulnerable.

Been picking away at the three, ever so slowly. Much yet to do.

My Presence at Present

Okay, so it is spring, nearly summer, and I sit here as always- doubting myself and picturing myself and not even knowing if there is any such thing as my self.

Now, of course I'm a bit over-board and of course this likely sounds like an unhealthy level of self absorption- but this is me right now.

Spend 8 months trying to responsibly research and organise a purchase of computer equipment. I think this time I may have succeeded in making the purchase. My head is swimming in it at the moment:
Did I buy the right stuff?
Did I spend the right amount of money?
Is there any way the purchase will not devolve into doubt and frustration?
Will I be okay?

Maybe I'm letting common sense get in the way.

What about keeping up better at this blog when I'm between adventures or fundamentally preoccupied?

What about accomplishing more of the so many things I think I want to be doing?

What about the idea that I could be sounding weak and neurotic instead of strong and focussed and visionary?

I can say that I like the idea of communicating something of the self doubt and circular thinking that is me at the moment.

Wait a second: Jeremiah was a bullfrog.

Okay, back to the front line report from the consciousness that seems to be me: Well, what else could it be? Is it you I'm writing about? Do you even exist? Holy cow, do I really even exist? Am I more than just some part of you, some thing hidden somewhere inside your consciousness?

Well, anyway, I'm back in East Lansdowne where it all started. I've had coffee with my mom, dinner also. I've had time with some brothers, sisters, neices and nephews. I've read a couple books. I've had quiet time and loud time at the same exact time.

Is there any merit to what I'm writing?
Golly gosh, is there any merit to having merit?

Someone somewhere may enjoy this. Somebody somehow might find hidden here a catalyst, a motivation, a way to grasp an insight.

Best wishes.