My Presence at Present

Okay, so it is spring, nearly summer, and I sit here as always- doubting myself and picturing myself and not even knowing if there is any such thing as my self.

Now, of course I'm a bit over-board and of course this likely sounds like an unhealthy level of self absorption- but this is me right now.

Spend 8 months trying to responsibly research and organise a purchase of computer equipment. I think this time I may have succeeded in making the purchase. My head is swimming in it at the moment:
Did I buy the right stuff?
Did I spend the right amount of money?
Is there any way the purchase will not devolve into doubt and frustration?
Will I be okay?

Maybe I'm letting common sense get in the way.

What about keeping up better at this blog when I'm between adventures or fundamentally preoccupied?

What about accomplishing more of the so many things I think I want to be doing?

What about the idea that I could be sounding weak and neurotic instead of strong and focussed and visionary?

I can say that I like the idea of communicating something of the self doubt and circular thinking that is me at the moment.

Wait a second: Jeremiah was a bullfrog.

Okay, back to the front line report from the consciousness that seems to be me: Well, what else could it be? Is it you I'm writing about? Do you even exist? Holy cow, do I really even exist? Am I more than just some part of you, some thing hidden somewhere inside your consciousness?

Well, anyway, I'm back in East Lansdowne where it all started. I've had coffee with my mom, dinner also. I've had time with some brothers, sisters, neices and nephews. I've read a couple books. I've had quiet time and loud time at the same exact time.

Is there any merit to what I'm writing?
Golly gosh, is there any merit to having merit?

Someone somewhere may enjoy this. Somebody somehow might find hidden here a catalyst, a motivation, a way to grasp an insight.

Best wishes.